boys

I was talking to Lauren today about her deep desire to not only have a steady boyfriend when she moves to ny, but a summer fling now while still living in maryland. good god, girl, how many can you actually handle?

When I was in college, I was the relationship QUEEN. And I was a huge bitch at the same time. I clung to the relationships I was in because I didn't have anything worth clinging to inside of me (or so it seemed at the time.) In the past years since graduating, getting into grad school, moving to California, dropping out of grad school, getting a great job, quitting that job, and having a quarter life crisis that forced me to evaluate myself and my life, I have finally started to have the realization that I am worth clinging to. I really like my life, and I'm really proud of it. I have so much fun! Not that I don't have work to do...there is always work to do.

The thought of having a boyfriend now, let alone a husband, freaks me the FUCK OUT. WHOA. Without realizing it consciously, for the past 2 years I have had the absolute freedom to do WHATEVER I WANT. Except for a few brief moments, when I was in a "relationship" (didn't count, still did whatever I wanted, I wasn't a good relationship-er) I have been doing, not doing, buying, traveling, climbing, stretching, dancing, stomping, flying, moving, shaking, biking, singing, eating, drinking, painting, working, and playing all on my own. AND ITS GREAT!!!!

For a hot minute though I was CONVINCED it was not great. That I NEEDED to share it with someone else to make it worthwhile and better. NOPE. that was so dumb. The whole reason my experiences were able to exist was BECAUSE I was BY MYSELF. Its exactly what I needed to get me to where I am now. And I'm so thankful for it.